You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have fence marks all over my body
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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