not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
