Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
