how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
