Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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