Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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