Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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