He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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