well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
