Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
