Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
