dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it hurts more in the daytime
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
