When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
