The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
