My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize