I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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