You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
