She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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