Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
