Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
