Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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