weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we're making bets on your personal life
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
