forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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