There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
