if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
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i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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