If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
