How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
