I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
