I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
im on a boat
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