So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
