You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
