I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
