Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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