I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
