Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
