i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
