You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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