you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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