You really coming over, don't trick.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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