Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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