I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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