Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
