I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
