You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
