My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When are your genitals available?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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