my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
