my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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