Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
