We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
