Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
