the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
