Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
