Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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