Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
