gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
