I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk is not a location!
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