Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
