HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
