I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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