Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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