Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
